Top 30 Quotes from The Office

#30 “You’re paying way too much for worms, man. Who’s your worm guy?” – Creed Bratton

#29 “Andy Bernard does not lose contests, he wins them.. Or he quits them because they’re unfair.” – Andrew Bernard

#28 “I don’t talk trash; I talk smack. They’re totally different. Trash talk is all hypothetical, like, ‘Your mama’s so fat, she could eat the Internet.’ But smack talk is happening, like, right now. Like, ‘You’re ugly and I know it for a fact ’cause I got the evidence right there.’” – Kelly Kapoor

#27 “People keep calling me a ‘wunderkind.’ I don’t even know what that means. But, I mean I know what it means. It means, very successful for your age. So I guess that makes sense, but weird word.” – Ryan Howard

#26 “Bears, Beets, Battlestar Galactica.” – Jim Halpert

#25 “Presents are the best way to show someone how much you care. It’s like this tangible thing that you can point to and say, ‘Hey, man, I love you this many dollars’ worth.’” – Michael Scott

#24 You know what they say? Fool me once, strike one. But fool me twice, strike three. – Michael Scott

#23 “Ultimatums are key. Basically nobody does anything for me anymore unless I threaten to kill myself.”  Kelly Kapoor

#22 “Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.” – Michael Scott

#21 “He has a killer job. He’s rich. He smells like what I think Pierce Brosnan probably smells like.” – Michael Scott

#20 “My philosophy is basically this and this is something that I live by and I always have and I always will. Don’t ever, for any reason, do anything to anyone for any reason ever, no matter what, no matter where, or who, or who you are with, or where you are going, or where you’ve been…ever. For any reason whatsoever.” – Michael Scott

#19 “Yeah. I took Intro to Philosophy, twice! No big deal.” – Andrew Bernard

#18 “I love inside jokes. I’d love to be a part of one someday.” – Michael Scott

#17 “You know who else didn’t go to business school? LeBron James, Tracy McGrady, Kobe Bryant. They went right from high school to the NBA so… So, it’s not the same thing at all.” – Michael Scott

#16 “Guess what? I have flaws. What are they? Oh I donno, I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I’ll hit somebody with my car. So sue me– no, don’t sue me. That is opposite the point I’m trying to make.” – Michael Scott

#15 “I don’t have a lot of experience with vampires, but I have hunted werewolves. I shot one once, but by the time I got to it, it had turned back into my neighbor’s dog.” – Dwight K. Schrute

#14 “Before I do anything I ask myself “Would an idiot do that?” And if the answer is yes, I do not do that thing.” – Dwight K. Schrute

#13 “Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked. But it’s not like this compulsive need to be liked. Like my need to be praised.” – Michael Scott

#12 “Toby is in HR which technically means he works for Corporate. So he’s really not a part of our family. Also he’s divorced so he’s really not a part of his family.” – Michael Scott

#11 “You know what’s better than a triceratops? Only every other dinosaur that has ever existed.” – Dwight K. Schrute

#10 “Dolphins get a lot of good publicity for the drowning swimmers they push back to shore, but what you don’t hear about is the many people they push farther out to sea! Dolphins aren’t smart. They just like pushing things.”- Dwight K. Schrute

#09 “I am faster than 80% of all snakes.” – Dwight K. Schrute

#08 “Myth: Three Americans every year die from rabies. Fact: Four Americans every year die from rabies.” – Michael Scott

#07 “You know who’s a real hero? Hiro from “Heroes”. That’s a hero. Also, Bono.” – Dwight K. Schrute

#06 “What’s the argument here? NBA, WNBA. One is a sport. One is a joke. I love sports. I love jokes. Room for all.” – Dwight K. Schrute

#05 “You know what else is facing five Goliaths? America. – Al-Qaeda… -Global warming… -Sex predators….. -Mercury poisoning.” – Michael Scott

#04 “Did you see Battlestar Gallactica?…It was really so-so. I mean I like all the crazy monsters and stuff, you know like Klingons and Wookies and all that but,…the story’s kind of bland. It’s about this guy named Dumbledore Calamazin and he has to return the ring back to Mordor.” – Jim Halpert

#03 “Why are you the way that you are? Honestly, every time I try to do something fun or exciting, you make it not that way. I hate so much about the things that you choose to be.” – Michael Scott

#02 “Yes, I’ve heard ‘women and children first’, but we do not employ children. We are not a sweatshop, thankfully. And women are equal in the workplace, by law, so if I let them out first… I have a lawsuit on my hands.” – Michael Scott

#01 “He is a good guy; not a terrorist.” – Michael Scott

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