Self-Sufficiency, Dependency and Sickness – Why I quit my Job

“Rise, take up thy bed, and walk.”

John 5:8 KJV

I wrote this diary entry way back in July of 2014 when I put my family at great risk and quit my job. These were my first raw feelings about what I had just done.

July 2014:

I can’t stand my job. There are many reasons why, but the only reason that matters is I am unhappy. I used to be excited. I used to have passion. I used to care. Now the idea of sitting in a cubical for 8 hours makes me sick. Physically, mentally, emotionally. The corporate world has taken another victim. All they had to do was offer me money. That was it. That is all it took. Because I need a paycheck. I need to provide. And now I am ill.  

Is it worth being unhealthy for a paycheck? Maybe. That is a real choice that I am faced with. That is the reality of trading time for money. What is the value of my time? What is the value of my health? Tough questions that need answers. What should I do?

I did the only thing I could think of. I quit my job. I quit my job and was surprised by two things: I felt really good when I gave my notice and the people I work with, including my boss, congratulated me for my courage.

Courage? I am terrified. Though as I reflect on their happiness for me, I shouldn’t be surprised. I don’t really think people are meant to sit in a cubical. We are meant for more, aren’t we? I think this is why people are happy when someone “escapes.” Because we all know there is more out there. At least that is what I feel myself.

So, is it really so strange that I felt good when I quit? Like the weight of the world had been lifted? Yet fear of the unknown is what I am left with. I have to feed my family. I need to pay the mortgage. What am I going to do with my life? When I think about these things I am afraid. But I don’t feel sick anymore. And I find that extremely interesting. In fact, I feel invigorated. Like my back is against the wall. All I can do is fight. And I feel alive.

In the Gospel of John, Jesus raises the cloth of an afflicted man and asks: “Wilt thou be made whole?” This is a question I have asked myself. Will I be made whole? Or will I continue in my sickness? Then Jesus says: “Rise, take up thy bed, and walk.” (John 5:8-9 KJV)

And so, I have taken up my bed and walked. Walked into the world of self-reliance. Moved away from the world of dependency. To a world where life will be what I make it. Not one that is dictated to me by others. This is my journey. I hope it ends well.

Not me. Not anymore. Believe me I don’t have a plan. I am putting my family at great risk. But all of this is an effort to become more self-sufficient. Not needing to be afraid of losing a job. Not relying on anyone else to provide for me. I need to do that for myself. At least that is what I am feeling. And I hope it works. I hope I can show that if I can do it anyone can.

How to do it?

That is a large question and I think the answer depends on the person. The smart way is to check off the list below. Unless, you are just so miserable, and your health is at risk this is what I would do. If you are at risk, as I feel I am, then you can wing it just like me.

First have 6 months living expenses saved. This will allow you to explore all of your options without feeling the need to just jump right back into another job. Remember, unless it is something you love, a new job is just relying on another company instead of your current one.

Next, I would suggest having as much food storage as possible. This will help alleviate your basic necessities, while you look for what you love. A good food storage and savings help alleviate your stress in these types of situations.

Further, you should really have a daily routine where you are not being idle. For example, I would wake up early to walk for 20 minutes. Then read something spiritual, then read something motivating, then write down my thoughts and ponder or meditate. This doesn’t have to be more than an hour of your day, but it will keep you in good spirits while you look for your calling in life.

Finally, after you are done working at your corporate job, work on what you want to work on. Take an hour a day, every day, to build your empire. A small drip of water will eventually fill a bucket.

What happens if you lose your job, or just can’t stay any longer?

That is where I am at. I am just winging it. I am paycheck to paycheck and maybe a month of food. Well, I can still do the third thing, which is get myself healthy. After all, I am the best chance I have at succeeding. So, I am starting there, and I truly believe something will come up.

I have also made the consolation that if I need to find another company to work for temporarily until I find my niche, I am willing to do it. But the goal is to be on my own, so this is only temporary. Perhaps with a temporary agency.

Getting busy. Working it all out on my own. That is how I can develop the skills necessary to be useful to others.

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